Posts Tagged ‘motivationmonday’

Recap of Home Renovation- #1 Choosing your architect

Taking on this project was a huge leap of faith for me. Doing a renovation of this scale (the amount of $, the level of renovation, the time and details required) was a first for me, but I knew that in the end it would be worth it. As I’ve shared, we were on the hunt for a house for a LONG time and we were OK with waiting. To recap, the first time I made contact with the owner was in the fall of 2016. Giselle’s friend lived nearby and my eyes were immediately drawn to how awful it looked. “Could this finally be the ugliest house on the block that I’ve been praying for?” I have no doubt that Jesus took the wheel (I love that term because it’s so true… I generally believe we have control over certain things but at the end of the day, I’m just working God’s plan for me)

At the end of the day, I’m grateful for the growth that I experienced throughout this journey. My process wasn’t perfect and I made some mistakes (expensive ones too!)- which I’ll share- but my goal at every “bump in the road” was to move forward.

One of my intentions for this project was to document and share the progress because a) I wanted to have this process together for future projects and b) I envisioned the transformation to be seamless! When B didn’t happen the way I envisioned, I was hesitant to share because I was mad at myself for making stupid mistakes. The reality is, sharing my mistakes may help others avoid them (and my goal this year is to impact the lives of 100 people) so I need to get over myself and just do it.

So I can’t do this all in 1 post, but I will highlight different stages- share what worked for me, what didn’t, how I moved forward and what I learned.

First thing I’ll share is my experience working with an architect. This needs to be shared since I learned a lot from this process because apparently I was not aware of this important distinction. Architect does not = designer. This isn’t the case for everyone, but the sole job of an architect is to build a house based on codes that need to be adhered to. Every architect needs to create plans for houses that adhere to a code, but design is not an element of every architect that should be assumed. So in essence you need to be really specific with your vision or provide a similar model/plan to work off of, in order to achieve the design that you have in mind.

After we hired our architect and as we were going through the process to get the plans finalized- and even while we were in the trenches of the renovation after plans were approved- there were a lot of things that I assumed would have been considered based on the incorrect assumption that architects provide design- the pitch of a roof, the placement of lighting, the flow of a room, the ideal space for rooms, bathrooms, etc. exact placement of windows and doors (the height from which the windows should be from the floor, for example) turning radius to get furniture in/out of the house. My assumption was that these things were considered in creating the floorplans and design of the house. It was only after we were in the thick of working with the architect did we how much double and triple checking we needed to do. There are firms that provide this component, but when selecting your architect, be clear with your expectations on what should be provided and have it in writing. I didn’t know what to compare and honestly (as stupid as this sounds) I didn’t interview a lot of people because it was someone I knew. In the end, I am at peace with the choices I made. We spent a long time finalizing plans for various reasons, but I think the main one was that I expected much less back and forth because I expected more knowledge of design from the architect. Next time, I know that I will need to be really specific with expectations or expect to pay more money and factor that expense in at the purchase.

And to make clear, this isn’t a post to bash the architect I worked with because there is a possibility I would still work with them and there’s responsibility in my actions as well. My intention is to share what my expectations/assumptions were, how they were incorrect- and what I learned from that process so that I can avoid the same mistakes when I’m selecting an architect in the future.

Find solutions to Problems You Wanna Punch!

That was a quote from Morgan Berman, CEO of MilkCrate- which was sort of my theme/takeaway from the PA Conference for Women- which I attended on Friday, October 12th- along with 12,000+ other people- including men! Below is a re-cap of people/books/quotes that resonated with me that I hope you will look into as well. It wasn’t too long ago that I shared my blog post about about the BlogHer event in NY and learned about Tiffany Dufu, founder of TheCru, which I am now a proud member of, along with 9 other ambitious women that will help me achieve my intentions! If you haven’t heard of The Cru, learn more about it here: Find Your Cru

Overall, I thought there was a ton of content- I learned a lot about people/companies/topics that I would not have been aware of had I not attended. I think it’s a great event to attend if your intention is to come back with a few nuggets to help build yourself/your business. The majority of the topics were geared towards people working in corporations, that didn’t apply to me- which makes sense, since many of the sponsors were large companies- Beneficial, Jefferson, GSK, etc. Would I go again? Yes- but it would depend on what topics are covered- specifically surrounding issues that face entrepreneurs. It just so happened that a few topics were areas that I was interested in, that could be applied to my business- but that may not always be the case.

Morning keynote:
Amal Clooney– What a beautiful human, inside and out- an attorney/activist for human rights and has represented people like Nadia Murad, Nobel Peace Prize winner- who have been victimized by genocide, mass atrocities, and human trafficking.
Amanda Southworth– a 16 year old who created the app Anxiety Helper, for those with mental illnesses and Verena, a security system for members of the LGBTQ community-

Session 1:
Jenn Welter, author of Play Big– shared her journey on becoming the first female coach in the NFL for the Arizona Cardinals and revealed her nuggets on how she was able to lead her team effectively. I loved her approach because when I think of leading a bunch of men- football players nonetheless- I would never think that gaining their trust and connecting with them personally, would give her an edge. In thinking about it- when men have only been lead by men- they’ve only gotten that approach/perspective. Being coached by Jenn was probably a long overdue breath of fresh air. Emotional intelligence played a huge role in leading to her success- as well as being AUTHENTIC- which is a message I hear constantly! Few quotes that she shared:

“Even as a coach, you need to be coached”
“People you lead have to feel like you’re human”
“Perfect is not human”
“Get Buy In from the players (or key stakeholders) before getting buy in from the top/decision makers ”

Session 2:
Sally Helgesen co-author of How Women Rise lead a panel discussion that covered key topics in the book and included

Panelists:
Dani Rylan, founder, National Women’s Hockey League and Fast Company “Most Creative People in Business 2016”
Fran Hauser, author, The Myth of the Nice Girl
Karen Etzkorn, CIO, Qurate Retail Group

There were so many quotes/tidbits that I took away from this discussion and am eager to get to listening to the book! But one thing that brought me to tears was when Karen Etzkorn shared that women tend to be reluctant on sharing their achievements. This is a huge thing for me that I need to get over. I’ve definitely had moments where I felt like I wasn’t delivering my best self as a mom, business-owner, wife and once I get down a path, it just opens up Pandora’s box. But she said, look in the mirror and just say, “Look at what I’ve done!” Just writing that made tears well up in my eyes. I need to focus on the good I do and what I’ve accomplished vs. the opposite. Doing this is definitely something I intend to do whenever I fall into a moment where I feel like I’m falling short. How many times have you not given yourself enough credit and fell down tquote le of not feeling like enough? That affirmation is something that I always need to keep in mind to help me see and acknowledge what I’ve accomplished.

Afternoon keynote:
Serena Williams: New mom, elite athlete- extraordinary and ordinary all at once

I mean, I know Serena Williams and what she stands for. But I totally connected with her journey about being back in the finals less than a year after giving birth to her daughter- and the internal struggles she shared as being an elite athlete and a mom. I mean- not that I’m an elite athlete- LOL but her journey as someone who wants to be great at her career and as a mom, and the struggles that come with are so common. Being in the presence of greatness really does something to me, and seeing/hearing her talk and realizing she’s just as human as anyone else and the only difference between her and everyone else is where she focuses her time and energy. Aside from being there to share her journey as an elite athlete and a mom, she wanted to raise awareness for maternal health, specifically for black women and domestic violence survivors. Purple Purse is a cause that she supports to help victims of domestic violence rebuild their lives.

Some quotes she shared:
“I’m obsessed with breaking records and making history”
“Success of one woman should be an inspiration to the next”

Session 3:
By this time, I was already tired from the day- but still felt I gained some info re: companies/people/topics that I should be keeping on my radar!

Nathalie Molina Nino, CEO, Brava Investments and author, Leap Frog: 50 Hacks for Women Entrepreneurs lead a discussion surrounding social impact investing. This is a topic that I’ve been doing a lot of digging around- so I intend on writing up another post re: this. People, specifically women and millennials, are increasingly becoming more conscious about the products they consume and the companies they invest in. On the panel were:
Morgan Berman, social entrepreneur & CEO, MilkCrate @morganberman
Gayle Jennings-O’Byrne, founder and CEO at iNTENT Manifesto
Sally Susman, EVP, corporate Affairs, Pfizer

Things I intend to keep on my radar:
http://conference.ic-svn.org/
https://rsfsocialfinance.org/our-story/
Pipeline Angels
SheEO
BRAVA Investments
100WomenPhiladelphia
Alliance of Women Entrepreneurs
BlockChain

When responding to political issues, Sally Susman of Pfizer suggested that the company has criteria which it uses to decide whether it needs to respond:
– Is it relevant to our purpose?
– Is it important to key stakeholders?
– What options do we have if we choose to respond?
– What is the price for not responding?

I thought this criteria was a useful way to decide how we spend our time and be intentional about it.
– Is it relevant to our purpose? (does this action/person/activity align with my purpose?)
– Is it important to key stakeholders? (Is this action/person/activity important so that I can better serve the people that matter to me/my business?)
– What options do we have if we choose to respond? (What are the potential outcomes of doing this?)
– What is the price for not responding? (What are the pros/cons of doing this?)

Yes, this post was sort of a ramble, but there was so much content to be shared- hopefully you get 1 or 2 nuggets out of it!

“Those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind” Bernard Baruch/Blogher18 Recap

My blogher18 tribe pic! @nerdinthecity @safia_alice @cffowler13

I wasn’t sure of what to expect from this conference since I’m not in the fashion, health or beauty industry. Honestly, I was finding a reason NOT to go. I think I’m a pretty good networker, but I can’t say that I have any interest in schmoozing with people overly obsessed with perfection and selfies! 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 I wasn’t sure if it’d be the best use of 2 days time. I mean seriously, I rarely get full days to myself so I was definitely able to think of plenty of things I could do instead of going to #blogher18.

How many of you have those moments when you signed up for something or about to do something and then you flake? I’m guilty of it. I think there are definitely times where you commit to something and make a decision whether or not something is worth your time. There are other times when you keep telling yourself that something else is a better use of your time, but deep down what’s really happening is that you’re not being open to something and are trying to avoid it. That was me. So I decided I was gonna go in and make good connections and look for the good in everything! And that’s what I did.

And I walked away with so much! I connected with some truly inspiring women doing really remarkable things- 20 somethings-50 somethings, moms, entrepreneurs, self-starters, leaders- jewelry makers, marathoners, authors, inventors, designers and most importantly… DOERS! Being in the same room with that type of energy can’t be replicated through a video or Facebook group- and is an experience that really needs to be on the priority of my to-do list for my own personal growth.

When I saw the list of names of people attending the event, it was quite overwhelming. But wow! There were names I’ve never heard of and people doing great things. People you need to know about because of what they are about so here’s my ramble in no particular order:

Dr. Alaa Murabit @alaamurabit (AND she’s down with TLC!) is a global policy leader who stressed at the importance of having women of color “at the table” when it comes to global policies and peace building. I can’t remember the exact stat she shared, but there’s a stark contrast in successful programs/policies when women of color are at the table helping to make those decisions.
Monserat Adebanjo @browngirlforthearts, founder of Brown Girl for the Arts-
Nekpen Osuan, founder of @womenwerk
Angie Thomas @angiethomas, author of “The Hate You Give” which inspired the movie of the same title (she has such a light to her and I seriously wanted to grab drinks or do karaoke with her)
Gabrielle Union… @gabunion #blessed #grateful
Denise Woodard, @partakefoods founder of Partake Foods and based in Jersey City, a mom of a toddler, she took it upon herself to create snacks that are free of the top 14 food-based allergens that are delicious!
Maria Menounos @mariamenounos, both her and her mom are brain cancer survivors- Maria had brain surgery last summer and shared the importance of making her happiness and health a priority
Maria Forlio @marieforlio, founder of The B School: “Life should not be compartmentalized”
Tiffany Dufu @tiffanydufu, founder of The Cru: “If you want something you’ve never had before you’ll have to do something you’ve never done before”
Clemantine Wamariya @clemantine1, refugee from Rwanda and author of “The Girl Who Smiled Beads” https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=112&v=kiWDY01KSAA
Donna Orender, author of Wowsdom
Tiffani Thiessen @tiffanithiessen, on sharing her approach on what she’s involved with/projects that she takes on:
It has to come from the heart
It has to have meaning
It has to be something that is great, so that my children can see that I’m great and so they can see themselves be great
I mean… RIGHT??? I totally identified with her last point which is extremely important to me.

And how about the people that weren’t speakers but are women who are doing their thing and striving for greatness? I immediately connected with @nerdinthecity @cffowler13 and @safia_alice who are amazing women (because they are intelligent, gorgeous, fun and positive!) in the featured pic for this post and I am so grateful I did.

I know, I can go on and on… but what I took away was that life is too short to worry about the small shit and how much my success is influenced by those who have values that are in line with my own. There will always be things/people that get in our way. But it’s my choice on who/what deserves my time. Many times our excuse is lack of money/lack of time but it’s because we want things without doing the grind to get there. It is on me to decide what I want for my life, and live with purpose and intention to achieve that and share my light. And forget about everyone else who doesn’t uplift me in making that happen. And I need to remember to not forget to give that same support to others as well! That I’m doing a disservice to my ancestors, our loved ones and God by not being great!

Some quick quotes/notes:
Find a “joy buddy”: someone you partner with to ensure that you’re both doing things that make you joyful regularly
“Don’t compare your inside self with their outside self”
Gabrielle Union shared her thoughts on how women are 80% more likely than men to post the hashtag “#grateful” or “#blessed” This was bothersome because it implies that the women posting those hashtags didn’t earn her way to get to where they are, where as men rarely ever say that because they typically own where they are/are confident in how they achieved the success in their lives.
Become disciplined in making yourself matter
Alison Lewis, JNJ’s First Female CMO, on the work/life blend: “You can’t have it all. Having it all is a marketing ploy. Decide what your priorities are and be at peace with that.”

So what’s on your mind? How can you be great or find joy??!! Don’t be greedy with knowledge that you have that can empower others. Please share!