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“Those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind” Bernard Baruch/Blogher18 Recap

My blogher18 tribe pic! @nerdinthecity @safia_alice @cffowler13

I wasn’t sure of what to expect from this conference since I’m not in the fashion, health or beauty industry. Honestly, I was finding a reason NOT to go. I think I’m a pretty good networker, but I can’t say that I have any interest in schmoozing with people overly obsessed with perfection and selfies! 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 I wasn’t sure if it’d be the best use of 2 days time. I mean seriously, I rarely get full days to myself so I was definitely able to think of plenty of things I could do instead of going to #blogher18.

How many of you have those moments when you signed up for something or about to do something and then you flake? I’m guilty of it. I think there are definitely times where you commit to something and make a decision whether or not something is worth your time. There are other times when you keep telling yourself that something else is a better use of your time, but deep down what’s really happening is that you’re not being open to something and are trying to avoid it. That was me. So I decided I was gonna go in and make good connections and look for the good in everything! And that’s what I did.

And I walked away with so much! I connected with some truly inspiring women doing really remarkable things- 20 somethings-50 somethings, moms, entrepreneurs, self-starters, leaders- jewelry makers, marathoners, authors, inventors, designers and most importantly… DOERS! Being in the same room with that type of energy can’t be replicated through a video or Facebook group- and is an experience that really needs to be on the priority of my to-do list for my own personal growth.

When I saw the list of names of people attending the event, it was quite overwhelming. But wow! There were names I’ve never heard of and people doing great things. People you need to know about because of what they are about so here’s my ramble in no particular order:

Dr. Alaa Murabit @alaamurabit (AND she’s down with TLC!) is a global policy leader who stressed at the importance of having women of color “at the table” when it comes to global policies and peace building. I can’t remember the exact stat she shared, but there’s a stark contrast in successful programs/policies when women of color are at the table helping to make those decisions.
Monserat Adebanjo @browngirlforthearts, founder of Brown Girl for the Arts-
Nekpen Osuan, founder of @womenwerk
Angie Thomas @angiethomas, author of “The Hate You Give” which inspired the movie of the same title (she has such a light to her and I seriously wanted to grab drinks or do karaoke with her)
Gabrielle Union… @gabunion #blessed #grateful
Denise Woodard, @partakefoods founder of Partake Foods and based in Jersey City, a mom of a toddler, she took it upon herself to create snacks that are free of the top 14 food-based allergens that are delicious!
Maria Menounos @mariamenounos, both her and her mom are brain cancer survivors- Maria had brain surgery last summer and shared the importance of making her happiness and health a priority
Maria Forlio @marieforlio, founder of The B School: “Life should not be compartmentalized”
Tiffany Dufu @tiffanydufu, founder of The Cru: “If you want something you’ve never had before you’ll have to do something you’ve never done before”
Clemantine Wamariya @clemantine1, refugee from Rwanda and author of “The Girl Who Smiled Beads” https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=112&v=kiWDY01KSAA
Donna Orender, author of Wowsdom
Tiffani Thiessen @tiffanithiessen, on sharing her approach on what she’s involved with/projects that she takes on:
It has to come from the heart
It has to have meaning
It has to be something that is great, so that my children can see that I’m great and so they can see themselves be great
I mean… RIGHT??? I totally identified with her last point which is extremely important to me.

And how about the people that weren’t speakers but are women who are doing their thing and striving for greatness? I immediately connected with @nerdinthecity @cffowler13 and @safia_alice who are amazing women (because they are intelligent, gorgeous, fun and positive!) in the featured pic for this post and I am so grateful I did.

I know, I can go on and on… but what I took away was that life is too short to worry about the small shit and how much my success is influenced by those who have values that are in line with my own. There will always be things/people that get in our way. But it’s my choice on who/what deserves my time. Many times our excuse is lack of money/lack of time but it’s because we want things without doing the grind to get there. It is on me to decide what I want for my life, and live with purpose and intention to achieve that and share my light. And forget about everyone else who doesn’t uplift me in making that happen. And I need to remember to not forget to give that same support to others as well! That I’m doing a disservice to my ancestors, our loved ones and God by not being great!

Some quick quotes/notes:
Find a “joy buddy”: someone you partner with to ensure that you’re both doing things that make you joyful regularly
“Don’t compare your inside self with their outside self”
Gabrielle Union shared her thoughts on how women are 80% more likely than men to post the hashtag “#grateful” or “#blessed” This was bothersome because it implies that the women posting those hashtags didn’t earn her way to get to where they are, where as men rarely ever say that because they typically own where they are/are confident in how they achieved the success in their lives.
Become disciplined in making yourself matter
Alison Lewis, JNJ’s First Female CMO, on the work/life blend: “You can’t have it all. Having it all is a marketing ploy. Decide what your priorities are and be at peace with that.”

So what’s on your mind? How can you be great or find joy??!! Don’t be greedy with knowledge that you have that can empower others. Please share!

To Buy or Not to Buy?

So a few people have asked me my thoughts on whether they should rent or buy. Generally speaking, most people come from a mindset that you should own a home as soon as you can vs. renting and paying someone else’s mortgage.

Which is absolutely true, to a degree.

Here’s a fun flowchart that makes deciding a little too easy:
Should I Rent or Buy Flowchart: Business Insider

And a couple of recent articles on the topic:
Should I Rent or Buy a House? Marketwatch

In This Floundering Housing Market, Should You Buy Or Rent? Forbes

So before I start talking about this in more detail, I’ll put this out right now… I’m RENTING! (gasp…shocker!) 😉

There’s a lot of backstory behind that which I’ll save for another post, but long story short- we owned a place in the city, sold it at a loss and rented in Philly. When the time came for our daughter to start school, we had the opportunity to rent a house behind our closest friends. We had to pay minimally more (around $100/month more than what we were paying in Philly) to be in a bigger house, a better school district and behind our closest friends. So we hopped on it.

Now, although we rented our primary residence, we actually did buy/sell houses during the time that we rented. So we didn’t truly waste all of our money paying someone else’s mortgage.

Renting our primary residence has offered us flexibility that was extremely important to us. I’ve always known that I didn’t want our family to come across the need to move (because of school or work), and then have a hard time selling a house. Between my husband’s job, the kids starting school and being a city girl, we weren’t ready to decide on a place where we wanted to “plant our roots.”

Which leads to where we are today- after almost 6 years of renting- we might actually buy our primary residence.

Mind you, I’m being extremely selective on where we buy, knowing that whatever it is- our goal is to plant our money there and have it be a source of income for us. For example, if whatever we buy is worth $350k after all repairs, the plan would be to stay as close to $280k as we can, leaving around 20% in the property that will grow over time, as the mortgage gets paid down and using those funds to rehab/sell.

We’ve decided that whatever we end up buying, we want to:

1)Not pay retail. This means that whatever we buy, we will likely do a lot of work to it, which may include expanding it, allowing us to add value. This also means that if for some reason something happens and we need to sell, paying below retail will give us some room to price our house lower than the market so that it hopefully sells quickly.

Oh and by the way, just because you are offering less than asking price, does not mean you’re getting a deal. I don’t care if the house is an REO, foreclosure, short sale, etc. I won’t give a lesson here on how I calculate the value of a house, but what is considered to add/take away value to a house varies depending on your local market.

2) Buy in an area that is steady or growing, not just one that we can afford and the house fits our needs

3) Buy in an area where renting the house out will allow us to cash flow, giving us an extra source of income and equity line to tap into in order to re-invest.

So why all the criteria? Mostly, it’s the timing of everything. I’m not a financial advisor, but I understand real estate enough to know that buying a house just to buy because it sounds nice and not seeing how that house fits in with my long term financial/life plan is not ideal for me. Additionally, if all these criteria aren’t met but we get a homerun deal for a big house that probably wouldn’t rent out because renting, we are OK with that because we know we would be able to sell it.

I must share, the biggest benefit of buying your primary residence- is not having to pay capital gains tax- which you would have to pay on the sale of an investment property. You can sell your primary residence and avoid tax on no more than $250k in profits on the sale if you’re single, $500k if you’re married.

So how does this apply to you? What if you want the flexibility of renting, but want the benefits that come along with buying? Here are a few ideas:

1) Buy a multi-unit and live in one of the units.

2) Rent where you live and buy a property in an area that cashflows enough to cover the majority or all of your rent payment. For example, if you’re renting a place for $2k/month, consider buying a property that generates at least $2k amount in rent that you’re paying + more for cash flow- ideally $2500

3) If taking advantage of your local real estate market sounds appealing to you, but you feel it would take a bit of time to understand your market in order to make a move, consider partnering with an investor you trust or has been referred to you, who has the real estate experience you lack. And do your homework on them. You can generate extra income using funds you would have used to buy a house and instead, just lend on a project.

Well there you have it. Now hopefully I didn’t get you more confused on whether or not you are ready to buy!

My top 3 tips for buyers in today’s market- SPRING 2017

My top 3 tips for buyers in today’s market- SPRING 2017

In case you’ve been living under a rock, we are in a SELLER’S MARKET! What does this mean for you as a buyer? It means you need to be prepared in order to decide and act quickly. In representing both buyers and sellers in this market, here are some tips I wanted to share that will hopefully get you the house you’ve been looking for.

Buyers:
1) Write down your needs/wants and prioritize that list

There are so many factors that go into buying a house. One obvious one is price. But there are other factors that you may want to consider:

– Is the house in an appreciating area? Is there any nearby development that would make it worth being at the higher end of your budget?

– What is your long term plan? I’m a firm believer in holding off on buying a primary residence unless you have plans on staying there in the long term. Unless of course, you get a slammin’ deal where you’re actually making money on the purchase today vs. paying retail and hoping for appreciation. If you don’t know what your plans are for your primary residence but you are ready to buy or want to take advantage of a growing market, consider purchasing an investment property or putting that money to use in other ways, i.e. partnering or private lending.

2) Don’t feel bad saying no to family and friends. If choosing an agent, make sure that agent has built trust with you and has knowledge of the local market.

Deciding on who will represent you is tough. Once people hear that you are looking to buy, friends and family come out of the woodworks with their recommendations. The agent that represents you should have intimate knowledge of the local area which you are looking to buy, in addition to showing you that the area/house meets your long term goals.

Yes, all agents have access to listings. But school boundaries, rental info, neighborhood demographic, local development, an understanding of blocks/types of houses that are highly desirable are all important factors that an agent should share with you, to ensure that you’re buying a house that meets your long term needs. Having this knowledge takes time and being able to quickly submit an offer on a house is tough if your agent can’t provide you with info you need to make an informed decision.

I also mentioned trust. Once you choose the agent who will represent you and has gained your trust, their job is to make sure they submit strong offers on your behalf. This may mean that you will be submitting an offer higher than asking price. But if your agent is able to provide you with information that supports that, in addition to your own due diligence, then trust that they are working on your behalf and not trying to make you pay more simply because of commission. Have them show you what the difference looks like for yourself, in terms of your monthly payment, and the seller. This should allow you to decide if it’s worth paying more.

3) All parties involved need to move quickly. Choose an agent, a lender and title company that will move quickly and work in your best interests.

As I said, choosing an agent means that trust has been established with him or her in order to expedite your transaction. So using vendors that your agent refers is perfectly normal. However, if anyone drops the ball in terms of timing, this can kill the deal, especially in a seller’s market. Extensions are not guaranteed and if a deadline isn’t met, you can miss out. Once you are under contract, there will be work for you to do. Make sure your agent communicates your deadlines and responsibilities to ensure that you’re moving forward as planned and if at any point you feel that a vendor is not meeting your expectations, have a conversation with them first and decide if it’s worth continuing that relationship before deciding to fire them.

Now go and make some offers! Feel free to give me a shout if you have any questions or if I can help you or someone you know with the homebuying process in any way.

Schools schools schools!

I’ll admit, it’s a little late for this post, for anyone with children approaching kindergarten age and looking for a school.

My purpose in sharing my experience in searching for the “perfect school” is that wherever you decide to send your kids to school is nobody’s business but your own. Whether you decide to send your kids to the not so ideal school, or if you decide to take a leap and go beyond what you originally envisioned in terms of the “ideal school” for your kids. With social media and everybody’s perfect lives being available for us to see, there’s an urge for us to “keep up” with what everyone else is doing.

Anyhow, I’m losing focus. Ha! But to give a little back story, we were renting a house in a not so great school district a little over a year ago. Not only were we ready to move because of the school district, but we were also growing out of the house. On top of that, and I don’t say this in a way to brag, but my daughter is bright. So my goal was to put her in a place where she would be challenged, but also enjoy being in school. I didn’t want her to think that things always come easy. In talking with professionals that know the public school system, we concluded that we had to move to a better school district or send her to a private school.

So we applied to 2 private schools in the late fall/early winter prior to when she was supposed to start Kindergarten. Our thinking was that we wanted to at least see what was being offered. We wanted to at least have private school as a consideration- because the only thing I knew about private schools was from other people’s perceptions about them, and not from my own experience.

I considered school districts in the following order because of district ranking and location.

The four that I considered were:
Lower Merion (1/2 day kindergarten)
Haverford (1/2 day kindergarten)
Radnor (full day kindergarten)
Abington (full day kindergarten)

Prior to making our final decision on where our daughter would go to school, we had the opportunity to move to a great school district, behind our closest friends. So we hopped on that opportunity, not knowing whether our daughter got accepted/whether we could afford the private schools that we applied to.

So we moved to a great school district and I thought we were set, right?!

Being that she is bright, we felt that having her go to kindergarten wasn’t the best for her. Well, the school district that we moved to didn’t want to even consider having her skip kindergarten because she didn’t meet the age cut off. I know my daughter and felt strongly that she would be bored in kindergarten, at least at public school. If I was going to send her to public school, I wanted her to skip kindergarten. I saw the curriculum and knew that they wouldn’t be able to tend to her needs if she was placed in kindergarten.

To make this very long story short, when the decision came whether we pay money to a private school vs. sending her to a great school in a great school district for free, we decided that it was best for her to send her to private school. The payment that we were making wasn’t that much more than what we were making for daycare/preschool, so we felt that it was worth at least trying it out. In addition, the school that we chose felt that she was a good fit for 1st grade. So our thinking was that, “Hey, if this school doesn’t work out for our family financially, then maybe we can have her go to public school and she’ll be in the grade that’s more appropriate for her.” We felt that it wasn’t a permanent decision and that we had to at least give it a try.

I say all this because I have spoken with parents who are surprised with our decision. And without knowing all the facts that brought us to our decision, it’s easy to judge someone’s choices. In the end, we felt that what we were doing was best for our daughter and that the adjustments we needed to make to our budget to make it work wasn’t such that we had to drastically change our lifestyle. We were able to make adjustments to other areas of our budget and still are. It isn’t an easy choice and there isn’t a perfect fit.

Lastly, I feel like a lot of parents completely close off the idea of private schools for various reasons. They immediately think: 1) I can’t afford it 2) I don’t want my kid growing up with “those” kind of people (i.e. rich, snobby people) 3) it isn’t for our family (because they grew up going to a certain type of school, so they think that’s the kind of school that their children should go to) 4) it isn’t diverse. I think a lot of people close off the idea of sending their kids to private school without even knowing anything about it. They just completely close off the idea because they assume these things without making an informed decision.

The moral of my story is that we’ve done what we think is best for our family and are very happy with our decision. Now, that can change obviously. Before kindergarten was even on the radar, I never thought that we would send our kids to private school. But things change and I tried my best to keep an open mind throughout the decision making process. We recognize our situation is different from others and are thankful to even be able to have a choice of a great public school vs. a great private school. Every family is faced with similar decisions at some point. My thinking has always been that we have to do our best to do what’s best for our family and not what appears to make our family “look good” in the eyes of people who at the end of the day, don’t really matter!

The Van Der Buellas are back!

So a good friend of ours gave us our nickname- the Van Der Buellas- back in the day before we had kids. Oh, the days before kids are a distant memory! Anyhow, we enjoy traveling, but I personally didn’t do much traveling until I was in my mid 20’s, which was over 10 years ago! We’ve enjoyed some adventures with the kiddos, but this was our first time using our passports since we had kiddos- woohoo!

This past year, 2016, marked 10 years of wedded bliss! Ha! For anyone who is married with kids, or anyone really… 10 years is a damn long time, isn’t it? And bliss is hardly the word to describe it. It’s messy. But we’re here and together! So we needed to celebrate, because this was huge (for us.)

Anyhow, we had a hard time deciding where to go. We initially wanted to do something alone, by ourselves- i.e. Europe. Flights were/are expensive and to make it worth spending that money, I’d want to stay somewhat long- at least 10 days. Well, that wasn’t happening. We don’t really have anyone to watch the kids for that long, so we nixed that idea. I came across flights for the Philippines back in March 2016 and snagged some relatively cheap tickets for Christmas in the Philippines!

Why the Philippines? SO many reasons!
1) My first time! Never been to Asia actually. I’ve never felt the connection to go to the Philippines. All of my immediate family and cousins, etc. are here. My parents never went back after they arrived in the U.S. So why not?
2) Christmas in the Philippines is supposed to be really special, and with the kids being off from school, we figured it was a great time to go.
3) The dollar is STRONG! We got to see a lot and do a lot, and were able to stay within our budget.
4) Family

So what were our highlights? Hmmmm.. SO MANY!
1) Our time together alone venturing throughout El Nido and Bohol was priceless. Swimming, kayaking, hiking, etc. Bohol was extra special and all I remember is Adelina hugging random Filipinos (i.e., our waiters/waitresses, people who worked at the transportation terminal, concierge) probably because she thought they were family! It was awesome being in a country where everyone looks like us! We had a dinner where we took a boat to a private island, to celebrate (our anniversary, my parents birthdays). Having this amazing dinner while the kids were playing on the beach was priceless!
2) The people and hospitality. I made strong connections with people there (employees at the resort) and family I had never met.
3) Seeing where my parents came from. I got to see where my dad grew up. Seeing the poverty there truly helped me put my life into perspective. Just thinking about their journey, where I am, and where my kids are in life- I’m so grateful!
4) Spending time with my family in Talisay, Cebu. I never met my family there and didn’t know what to expect. I wasn’t adopted, but I imagine it being like meeting your birth parents. Not sure if there will be a connection, whether you’ll feel welcome and not knowing what to expect. Well I’m so glad we met my family there. They were EXTREMELY hospitable to us. And showed us where my Dad and his siblings grew up. I also learned so much history being there. My great grandfather was a mayor there in the 1940’s, and the house where my dad grew up, the Garces Ancestral Home, is an historical landmark in Talisay. To see my family name on a billboard that advertises Talisay, and see a street named after my great grandfather was unforgettable. And the time that I got to spend with them was priceless. I also got to meet my 94 year old grand aunt. It was so special. I hope to go back within the next couple of years and spend more time with them.
5) Spending time with Cisco’s family. I really didn’t know what to expect, but everyone’s warmth and hospitality is something I’ve never experienced and will never forget. I really got to connect with all his cousins and their kids, and get an understanding of how Filipinos live. S L O W paced- i.e. lots of traffic and super slow internet! LOL first world problems, really.
6) Visiting a school and spending time with the nuns that run the school. Cisco’s family is so giving and have helped a group of nuns run a school that started in a garage.

I posted a few pics here from our trip, but here is a link that has a bit more. Not all 2000+ that we took, but more like 60! 😉

https://goo.gl/photos/uq8EZcXTUuEZ6tpt7

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12 Week Year

For the most part, people see January as a time for “new beginnings.” I’m not great at this, but I try to reflect and grow on a somewhat regular basis. I’ve been reading this book, 12 Week Year, introduced to me by a good friend who also happens to be an ambitious mom. As much as I want to do and have accomplished, I always want to do more. Not that I’m not happy. I easily get inspired and it’s just my nature. I then get overwhelmed, feeling that I’ve reached my capacity. Which isn’t possible. I haven’t reached my capacity. I set my own limits and make choices about how my time is spent. Planning, executing, living with intention, getting uncomfortable and being around people that inspire me will always push me beyond the “capacity” I’ve created for myself.

The premise with the 12 Week Year is that when we set our goals at the beginning of the year, the end of the year is quite distant and we tend to be laxed in accomplishing our goals the majority of the year. Then when November/December hit, we have an “oh sh**” moment and haul ass! The idea behind the 12 Week Year is that we shift our minds so that we plan our time and regularly measure our activities so that we accomplish what we want at the end of 12 weeks.

The main takeaways for me that I’ve done and wanted to share:
– Wrote down my long term vision and set short term goals for the next 12 weeks that align with that.
– Wrote down the tactics and frequency in which I need to implement those tactics in order to achieve my goals
– Organized a WAM Weekly Accountability Meeting. Being a part of a group of people that want you to succeed and vice versa.
– Blocked/planned out my time for the next 3 months to ensure the tactics related to my goals are accomplished regularly.

There are also templates available to help get your plan on paper. I highly recommend it.
Pick it up, share your key takeaways and your successes! Can’t wait to hear what 2017 has in store for us!

#12weekyear #knowledgeispower #personaldevelopment #pd #grow #mindset #choices

She heard you whisper “I love you”

This past weekend was such a special weekend.  We planned an impromptu overnight trip in NY since we haven’t been in a long time and to also visit Auntie.  Yesterday, I won 2 lotteries, 1 for the Lion King and 1 for Wicked.  I was so emotional when the Lion King started, being in that moment with Adelina and feeling how excited she was, and all the things that God put into place (the timing of the lotteries, me finding a parking spot to make it to the live lottery in time) was something really special.

Today, we visited my Mom at the cemetery.  Her death anniversary passed last Thursday and it has been a while since we all visited.  This time though, Giselle was being extra sweet. Hugging the tombstone, kissing it, saying “I miss you so much. I wish I could see you. I love you and I’ll see you soon.”  She does that normally, but today, she was extra affectionate.

As we were leaving Auntie Joy, Giselle insisted on visiting my Mom one last time.  She ran over, gave a hug and kiss one last time, and said “I love you and I miss you.”  Afterwards, I hugged her and said, “thank you Giselle. That was really sweet. You made me so happy.” Giselle said, “Mommy! I think I heard your mommy say “I love you!” and so I said, “I love you too!” while I was hugging you.” From there, I was crying, because I know in my heart that she can’t make that stuff up.  I knew that my Mom really was with Giselle and is talking with her and with me.

Giselle always talks about my Mom, Lolo Jun and my Dad. She always mentions how they’re having meals with us and she isn’t just saying it either. You could tell in her eyes, that she really feels their presence and I’m so thankful that they are always guiding her and protecting, and talking to me through her.Visiting Mommy

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